A post from Facebook giving some context of what my mindset was during the August, 2014 Crisis
L. Christopher Bird
I was not suicidal because I was “sad” or even “depressed” it was an expression of an illness I suffer from, that had gone untreated for far too long (some of the responsibility for the lack of treatment falls squarely on my shoulders, SOME).
If anything, I was SUFFERING, and I sought and end to that suffering. One of the avenues that I could figure out while in the state I was in, was suicide, the other was gaining treatment.
Even though I was not quite rational, I WAS “working the problem” as is my practice. I did seriously and sincerely contemplate suicide, so much as researching a method, and taking steps to carry it out. Before doing so, I sought other alternatives — which including finding and calling a suicide/crisis hotline.
I knew even there, that gaining treatment was ONE path to mitigate my suffering, and suicide a way to end it — however it would also end many things I enjoy — but could not enjoy while my suffering persisted. One of the reasons I was placed in a 5150 hold, because when asked my intentions, I clearly stated that they were predicated on if I was able to receive treatment or not. If I could not receive help, then it was my sincere intention to come back home and continue with what I had researched.
I do not know if it had to come to such an extreme crisis for me to be able to receive care in a timely manner, but by my perception (which I admit may have been flawed) it seemed to be to me.
I am on the mend…