In the 1980s Billy Crystal had a character on Saturday Night Live that insisted that it was better to look good than to feel good. With a cyclic mood disorder, there will be days, many more than I would like, that I won’t feel good. Even with medicine and therapy, I will find myself in a depressive mood swing, and there really is nothing for it. No amount of positive thinking or will power will allow me to not be depressed.
But even in a depressive episode, if i is not severe, I still have some control in my life. I express this control by making the choice to look good.
Today is one of those days. I have had mild depression for a few days now, so I indulged in a little self care. I showered (something I am prone to neglect when depressed), and spent a goodly amount of time on grooming. I’ve recently started shaping my beard in such a way that I get to wear a full beard, but also get to engage in the ritual of shaving regularly which I enjoy. I got dressed in a shirt and tie, with the addition of a small lightsaber pin as a tie-tack. I finished the outfit with bright red shoes to contrast my black pants and shirt, and to coordinate with my black and red tie.
I am still in the grip of depression, but it is balanced somewhat with pride in my appearance. It is a small victory, but I will take it. Mentally ill, but still MARVELOUS.